Thursday, 25 January 2007

Why do I do this?

Ok I was just about to write a post when something happened that made me question why I actually write blog posts. We won't go in to details but it's really got me thinking. I mean it's not like I have one of those blogs where hundreds of people read what I write, I'm not entirely sure wether anyone reads it all. I never felt the need to keep a diary when I was younger either, writing my thoughts down has always been hard for me, hell just speaking them is near impossible.
I think I like it because it actually gives me an outlet for the rubbish that sometimes goes on in my life, a place to share my small triumphs, not that there are many, and an outlet for when life gets a bit shit.
At the moment I'm so stressed out about exams, the future, and just everything. I feel like a bad daughter because I've not rang my parents for 3 weeks now, I keep meaning to and then I forget. I feel bad for not getting outside more and trying to stay fitter. I feel bad because the snow at the moment in the Peak is beautiful and I can't get out and enjoy that either. I feel bad for annoying Lex, making him feel bad and generally being a shit girlfriend at times. In fact at the moment I'm not sure what to feel good about.
I also feel bad because in comparison to some peoples lives, my life is actually pretty wonderful. I have just about enough money, I have a wonderful boyfriend, a good family, somewhere to live, enough to eat, and clean water to drink. So why is this not enough?

Hopefully life will seem a little rosier in 36 hours. I have my last exam, and I then have a week until lectures start. I'd like to think I'll feel better for it, but from past experience I'm actually at my happiest when rushed off my feet. I desperately need to come up with a project to keep me busy next week, or I really will go mad!

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